Arrived safely. Came down for my dad’s bday and the holidays. quick trip - return next week. Happy Holidays (blog) world.
Listening to “The Zone” by the Weeknd ft. Drake… trying to get into the “zone”. Been thinking about titling a new blog called “Womanifest”…
So much going on/happening so quickly, trying to absorb it all/process it all/understand it all/trust that it is going in a good direction. I hate that everything in life challenges you and everything you strive to believe in. While i am trying to find ways to assert myself and my artisthood, i also have to defend it and protect it. But you cant help but doubt yourself and double guess yourself..especially when father tries to give you “reality checks”. You can only hope you’re doing the right thing… and hope that you dont get that “i told you so” later in life, when its difficult as it is enough that society wants to compromise you as a creative soul. I am just going to push harder and stronger to say at least i gave it my best shot, and try to enjoy all those hardworking moments, so that they cant be in vain. I can do anything. I got to many goddamn back up plans. I know it wont be easy, but what else do you have? what else do you have to stand by during the Tempest Storm? When you’re world crumbles? It has to be a piece of you. that youre not willing to compromise….that single thing has to be the reason y you make it.
It shouldnt matter whether the people around you support you, even the closest, even your fam, even when it hurts the most - i dont care who - if they aren’t allowing you to shine as you are - then they are just another obstacle. F*ck em. You’re already fighting everything and everyone as it is, to beat the odds, and going against mainstream society just so you can carve a path out for your unique self. Give yourself that chance.
I could be going through a naive/hopeful/optimistic phase of my life, as most young people do at this stage, as they have for centuries, but at this rate, you only get one chance at life, and since this is your life, GIVE IT ALL YOU GOT.
phew! quick rundown of my day:
early wake up to go to court to take care of traffic tix. result: got community service hours. went to its a grind coffee shop. sign said closing on new years. sad, another local business out. Rewarded myself with a trip to the Mez Z spot/picked up smoke to bless homegirls trip before she left to colorado. Back home, online stuff, quick nap, mama calls around 4. we go out to burn dress, have ceremony out by the ohlone waterfront. cute cause she has a little boy with her. stopped @ Home Depot and taco bell on the way home.
7:00pm - mtg with folks for renegade street altar. turnout: success.
mama came down to start mini sister circle. god i love her. she really helps create the path.
would love to continue this kind of stuff/work/pleasure. cant wait to see what unfolds from it. reaally tired, and on moon. need rest.
a few topics to bring up:
- ppl who come up to you while youre obviously in ceremony.
my day: chill, cleaned bathroom, smoked, squandered time on the internet, cut flowers, mama came and showed me Sophia Loren movie (2 Girls) emphasizing how powerful her roles were back then - for an outspoken woman! - (H)afrocentric came to get bike lock (and complimented me on the evolution of my work), and with a bottle of wine, off to Fyles Holidae Dinner!!!
Tired. Put a few stickers up. What did i create today? What did I do to create a situation thats more conducive to create?
lit candle for the ancestors. (spray) painted on wall. fresh flowers and water. hope they like.
as much as i dont believe in zombies, i sure feel like one.
early rise in the am to deal with stupid tickets.
p.s. Beloved gave me a few poster stickers (!)… lets see what can come from those